Part 1: ACT-Based Emotional Regulation
By Gwen Preston, RP (Qualifying)
As a human being, life is an inevitably mixed bag: You have and will experience deep and
meaningful joy, success, satisfaction, love, and bliss! Yet, as a human, you have and will also
experience emotional storms, upheavals, discomfort, and even pain. This duality is part of what
makes life so rich, and the lessons learned so potent.
The inevitability of joy and pleasure is an easy thing to accept – we all want this in
whatever form is most meaningful to us! But what about the inevitability of discomfort? Well,
the unfortunate truth of the matter is that your brain is not hardwired to reveal in the wins and
wonderous moments (despite your capacity and desire to celebrate and live happily). Rather,
the human brain is a risk-assessing machine whose primary directive is your safety (Star Trek
reference, anyone?).
So, what do we do with this? We look for ways to maximize satisfaction, contentment,
and even happiness, while we deal with those inevitable discomforts as effectively as we can. In
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT), we do our best to take specific action that takes
us towards the person we want to be! ACTions which are taken consciously, mindfully, and with
full awareness. ACTions which are guided by our core values.
Below are 3 strategies that may (or may not) work for you! I encourage you, dear
reader, to give them a read, a ponder, and then play with them until you find a few which -do
not make the pain go away (as neither of us have a magic wand) but- do make the pains of life
more tolerable. I encourage you to treat them like a scientist collecting data for a set of
hypotheses. If something doesn’t work this way, will it work with these tweaks? If it doesn’t
work at this time of day, or at this frequency, does it need more time or different parameters?
If it’s still not working the way I think it should, do I need to bring in an outside perspective or
an expert (i.e. a friend or *clears throat* a therapist)?
Coping strategy #1: Notice and Name
Notice and name is a wonderful tool which can help put some distance between you
and your experience. On the surface, it’s quite simple. It’s a sentence structure that encourages
you to take a step back, notice your own experience, and give it a name. After all, emotions are
not He Who Shall Not Be Named (aka Voldemort from Harry Potter). They’re just emotions. So
lets not give them any more power than is necessary. Notice them. Name them. Use this
sentence structure:
“I notice that….I am (thinking/feeling/want to/whatever description fits)…. This
experience”
For example, you might say to yourself, “Hey! I notice that I am thinking about my
never-ending to-do list”, or “I notice that I am feeling insecure about my body”, or even
something a bit sillier like “Oh! I notice that my inner critic is running it’s dang mouth and being
noisy again!”. The interesting part is, once we start noticing and naming these things instead of
living in the experience of it, we start seeing patterns: When we start seeing patterns, it
becomes easier to identify which thoughts, feelings, behavioural urges, or even physical
sensations are de-railing us and taking us away from the person we want to be: Once we can do
that, it puts the power of choice back in our hands. Precisely where it belongs.
Coping strategy #2: The Brain as a Problem Solver
We already talked about the inevitability of pain and discomfort in human lives. We also
touched on the brain as a risk-assessing machine. What we didn’t get into was the second step
of this risk-assessment process! The brain, while assessing the risks of life, is also coming up
with *solutions*. Ways to stop, avoid, or otherwise Get Rid Of the pain! Let me be clear here,
this is not a bad thing whatsoever. This is what your brain has evolved to do. It has been a
major component of why we have survived as a species. However, while the brain is very good
at pumping out solutions; Not every solution is going to be effective; Unfortunately,
sometimes the easiest or lowest risk solutions are not the most effective ones.
That means Your Job as the conscious part of you is to assess which solution is best
suited to your needs (preferably in the long run). Which solutions provide you with a rich, full,
meaningful life? Which solutions have the longest-term effects? Which solutions take me
towards my core values, and which ones take me away from them?
This type of analysis can be overwhelming, given it’s asking for two distinct perspectives:
The Problem-Solving Brain and The Solution Assessing Mind. So let your focus be the latter, asthe former is partially automatic anyways. Assess whatever solutions that Brain spouts out. Be
curious and open. Once again, take on that scientist perspective and play with the solutions
with which you are provided until you find one that works for you. If you’re still struggling,
bringing in an outside person to help talk it out is a great method to ensure effectiveness
remains the goal!
Coping strategy #3: Meditation
Hold on, before you run! I don’t mean the Buddhist-style method of mediation which
encourages a blank mind. (If that works for you, wonderful! All the more power to you, but I’ve
never had any luck with it.) When I say meditation, I mean an imaginative and active form in
which you imagine your thoughts, feelings, urges, and physical sensation flowing by. You notice
each, provide it some loving attention, and let it exist in that space for as long as it wishes,
without pushing it around.
There are tons of ways to imagine this. Perhaps they are on affixed to clouds in the sky.
Perhaps you record each on a leaf and let them loose in a stream. Perhaps they are represented
by cars passing by in the night as you watch from the comfort of the backseat or a household
window. In any case, it is important to remember that you are not the wind, or the river’s flow,
or the driver of those cars. Where the clouds, leaves, and cars are and the speed at which they
move is not up to you. Allow them to exist without exerting control. When you very likely
notice you are acting like a moving force (i.e. wind) - notice what your doing and allow that to
also be a cloud or leaf or car. Let that observation exist and go about it’s way in it’s own good
time.
Before I let you go to ponder what we’ve discussed here today, I’d like to make note
that the above strategies are skills. Skills you were not inherently born with, but skills you can
certainly build! Like a scientist building up a theory of life, or even a guitarist starting from
scratch with aspirations of playing in stadiums around the world. Start practicing when you
have a quiet moment and slowly build the skill until you’re ready to bring it into a difficult
moment. Perhaps more importantly, show yourself compassion when it doesn’t work and try
again tomorrow. You’re human! You have a great capacity to learn, but learning takes time.
We’re looking for progress, not perfection.
Lastly, let’s pause and provide credit where credit is due. The article above reflects
standard ACT perspectives and strategies filtered through the way in which I have interpreted
them for my own practice. I have not reinvented or created anything new and spectacular.
Many ACT therapists use these and similar strategies to elicit long-standing change in clients.
However, it is a taste of how I operate and speak in sessions with my clients. If this article has
spiked your curiosity, I encourage you to reach out to myself via this website or another ACT-
practicing psychotherapist in your area! With that said, I’ll leave you and your curious, solution-
creating, wonderful brain to ponder what you’ve read here today, and I wish you all the best in
your (scientific?) endeavors.
Interested in working with Gwen Preston, RP (Qualifying)? Reach out to info@charrontherapy.com.
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